N Hotel

I am fresh from Cagayan de Oro City. Wait, while I arrived in the wee hours of this day, I wouldn’t really say fresh because I feel anything but, having to endure yet another delayed flight just before midnight. It’s so sad that flying here in the country is so lousy at this point. In about the twenty times or so that I flew in the last year, my flight was delayed about nineteen times. It is that bad. On the one hand, I am glad at least that they have done something about the lack of seats in gates and waiting areas, and the rest rooms have undergone significant facelifts. Now they just really have to do something about air traffic!

Anyway, before I run out of words ranting about the management of airports here, lemme tell you about the hotel I stayed in Cagayan de Oro this time. I was pretty holed up at the N Hotel the entire time I was in the city. First, I was a speaker for two days at a conference. Second, I was too lazy to go out because I was alone. And third, because I am currently hooked up with a new gaming app that’s gripping the world, and the hotel was prime spot for things to catch, I was more than happy to stay put.

I was not sorry of course. The hotel is located on the major highway just before you enter the city proper. It is not that old but there was that whiff of mustiness when you first enter its premises then the rooms. It goes away after a while though and I began to get settled after the first hour. The room was spacious and big enough for three. Bed was good bordering on great but I didn’t like the lighting that much. I love muted whites and yellows in hotel rooms, and this one’s too orangey. These kinds of rooms make me a little restless. That, coffee at night, and finalizing my presentation did me no good on the first night. Good thing I made up for it the second night.

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This is one of the better hotels I’ve stayed in. As I said, I practically stayed here for three days. I had all my meals here, and I could say it was a-okay, nothing to rave about but okay. If I had the time and the inclination, I would have taken a dip in the pool.

Heartbroken twice over

Warning: completely subjective post ahead

As I posted on my Facebook wall last Saturday, I didn’t know one could get her heart broken twice in such as short span of time. My heart bled for my two teams: the UP Pep Squad and Gilas Pilipinas. They both lost in such a gruesome fashion one after the other that netizens (alright, presumably Filipinos and graduates of the premier University of the Philippines) have used hashtags like #luto #cookingshow, etc. But who could blame them? Call them and me bitter and sour losers, we lost anyway.

The cheerdancing competition for one is completely and utterly subjective. The scoring is solely dependent on the discretion of judges just like any game where one cannot really follow rules. It is just tough luck that we are unable to regain the crown from uber-funded National University. But how can one just ignore the sheer grace, intensity and showmanship of the guys and gals from UP. And the use of the school’s hymn, UP Naming Mahal just failed to move the judges (in Filipino, hindi sila naantig or napukaw ang damdamin!). Apparently #utak (brains) and #puso (heart) are not enough. Never mind that the other teams committed mistake after mistake.

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The Gilas team, on the other hand, is coming home with a silver trophy and individual medals after losing to FIBA 2015 host, China. The team lost spectacularly during the championship after battling the best teams in Asia. Yes, we are indeed proud that the Philippines came a long way and fought the valiantly this basketball war. With eyes on an Olympic slot, all the players trooped to no man’s land, and eliminated one enemy after another. Then only to face the worst enemies of all — referees and homecourt advantage of the Chinese. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy that led to the eventual demise of the team’s confidence and consequent defense.

Better luck next time guys?

Move on, Marie.

Placenta accreta

My pregnancy journey this time has really tested our family. With my first, except for that terrible bout of pregnancy rashes, I was otherwise fine. I was just…big.

Now, it’s just so different. I don’t know, but I feel like I am encountering all probably complications known to pregnant women. Well, that’s an exaggeration, but it certainly feels like that. For a while in the beginning, I thought I was going to lose the baby again. I bled a lot, I was hospitalized, and was put on bed rest for the better part of the first trimester. My myoma is growing alongside the baby, and for the life of me, I don’t know how my uterus can accommodate a growing child and almost half a foot of benign tumor.

And now, this.

During my 13th week ultrasound, the sonologist who did my scan suspected that the myoma may be overlapping with the placenta since they were adjacent to each other. And so on my 18th week, I was ordered to undergo color mapping or another form of ultrasound using a doppler. There, though still hard to confirm, it seems that about a centimeter of the placenta is indeed attached to the myoma, which is part of the uterine wall. It is just plain luck that I possess many of the risk factors for placenta accreta. I probably have uterine scarring due my previous cesarian section, had a D&C procedure due to my miscarriage last year, I am 35, and been carrying this myoma for God knows how long.

My OB has not said much, except that my condition is definitely dangerous and difficult. So of course, I took it upon myself to research and turn to everyone’s friend, Google. The prognosis is not too bad. It is not common, but neither was it unheard of. There are ways to treat it, and the good thing is that, I have been diagnosed now rather than later, so that both I and my doctor can aptly prepare. We could plan something akin to a troop preparing for war.

Truth be told, I am definitely scared. Of dying in particular, as I have read that placenta accreta can sometimes be fatal due to possible hemorrhaging after giving birth. I am so afraid of leaving my young family–my husband and two babies–fending for themselves. Families need wives and mothers.

As I am now on my 21st week, I have to be closely monitored and regularly undergo the doppler sonography, instead of the normal ultrasound. I am praying for some miracle of God, that somehow the myoma and placenta would separate at some point, and not fully join together. But I think it’s all anyone can do right now, to pray for my uncomplicated delivery. And to believe that the Lord will spare me and the baby.

Sacrifice

I have been making a lot of them, and will continue to, in the next 27 weeks or so. And I have never been more glad to do them.

All for you, baby bean.

Although, of course, there are the twinges of envy that sometimes reaches up to me from out of nowhere. Such as when my folks and brother were able to push through with our planned family vacation in Cebu. The three of us (me, Mischa and the husband) bade them goodbye as they went off to the beautiful resort in Lapu Lapu City. Goodbye plane fares, goodbye fun. We could’ve been with them. My doctor actually cleared me for travel. But as it is, we decided it was best not to risk it.

I am thinking also of foregoing another trip to the north in two weeks. At the moment, I am still torn. I haven’t been bleeding for a while now. But still…

Trips to the malls are out of the question. Must not be kept on my feet for a long time.

images (2)I am also so sorry, I couldn’t take care of Ate now. Couldn’t help her in the bathroom. Couldn’t play much with her. I am always so careful not to overdo anything and basically take it easy. I hope Ate doesn’t it resent it much. She’s pretty excited about the baby. I hope it stays that way when it is born. But judging from her attachment to me, and the fact that she was used to being for all of her five years, I am bracing myself for bouts of jealousy.

As to my work, this is really what I want to sacrifice more. But circumstances has actually prevented me from fully doing so. I was put on bedrest for two weeks, and people around me were telling me to slow down or lie low. But I just can’t. May be my own fears and anxieties, but the fact is, I do wish I had more understanding and caring superiors. Sure, I was allowed to take leaves of absences. But really, I couldn’t feel the security I was looking for in the way work was handled in my absence. It didn’t help me relax at all. If anything, I was made to feel that I should be constantly be on my toes even in my most supposedly inert state. It’s like I should be an elephant on a tight rope all the time with a tiger pouncing on my back. I am so afraid of being thrown to the crocodiles.

Unpleasant job

I unhappily took on (because I was compelled to) the unpleasant task of heading a Committee that will decide, or rather, make recommendations, on the fate of a co-employee. Dishonest or not, I would have rather watched, like anyone else on the sideline, how the story would unfold. It makes me cringe everytime I have to think of the actions the group has to take. That someone’s future, whether set into motion by something he did, may be in our hands, is no joke. It is not a happy feeling. Others, in my shoes, would have felt the jolt of power. But I don’t.

Solo flight

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Sometimes I am so afraid of leaving you alone in this world. I know that sooner or later, you have to toughen up as you already have one foot inside the real world when you entered school. If there is one more reason my heart keeps on breaking whenever I think about the baby we lost, it is my failure to give you an ally for life. I know that most times, you can entertain yourself and can happily play alone. But it must get lonely sometimes, what with being surrounded by adults most of the time, who I’m sure would not “get” you sometimes. I can see that you have a hard time trying to figure out how to make friends at school because you simply are not used to other kids your age. I wish I could intervene but this time, it is up to you. Young as you are, I hope you make the right choices.