Happy 3rd, my chubby cheeks

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You’re getting bigger by the day, literally. If it were legal to bite those yummy cheeks, I would. Gigil na gigil na si Mommy sa yo, anak! You are such a lovable creature, not only because you are so good to look at, but because you have such a wonderful personality. You smile very easily, and you respond as though you understand the littlest things we talk to you about. Yes, before you hit your third month, you have already captured the hearts of everyone around you with your bright and cheerful disposition. I love it that your smile is genuinely reflected in your beautiful eyes! As your mother, I knew that you will be a source of good vibes even when you were still in the womb. Even then, you make your presence felt with the slightest nudge from Mommy.

You are also such a babbler and you’re still our little crybaby though. But I am happy that most days now, you laugh more than you cry (which was what you did in your first two months of life). You have also began sleeping through the night, waking up only to drink your milk around 3 or 4 in the morning. Yay, more sleeping hours for Mommy!

I know I have said this a million times, but I will never tire of saying that I love you and your sister so much. My love for you girls are bigger than anything Mommy has ever known her whole life. I never really knew what my life was for until you came along. I will love you forever, my darlings.

Bed mates

One thing that I haven’t really figured out or came up with a concrete plan yet is our sleeping arrangements once the baby is here. Having only a queen-sized bed, it seems not to be a good idea for all four of us to continue sleeping together without the baby getting squashed by Dad or Ate. If ever you wake up to this, you would understand why:

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Being a Filipino family, we are sort of brought up with the kids sleeping with parents until they become tweens or so. I remember I only moved out of my parents’ marital bed when I was 10. But that was only because my father worked abroad, and it seemed at the time to be a given that both me and my brother keep our mama company. Now, at 5, I think I have anxieties about letting Mischa sleep on her own despite her having her own bed and room. Also, I don’t want her to feel left out or booted out just because baby came along. No better way to feel like an outcast like a new member of the family.

So, what to do, what to do. My current bed mates are quite the monsters when they sleep, i.e., so much sense of entitlement when it comes to space, hogging of blankets, kicks in the gut or if you’re lucky in the face, and so on and so forth. We’re thinking of buying the hubby a cot as his sleeping quarters for the meantime. But really, I don’t think the sisters are ready to be side by side for now. Maybe a crib for the new baby? But poor her, sleeping all by herself while the three of us sleep cozily beside each other! What do you think?

Goodbye binky

We are almost there. I’ve noticed that, for the past couple of months now, she can go sleep the whole night without it dangling from her mouth. It has taken us an awfully long time, I know. Many would have said that we shouldn’t even have begun with it. But as it was, we didn’t have the heart to let her cry it out for hours when she was a newborn so we took the easy way out and gave her the binky. In defense, she only used it at sleep times. I was glad she didn’t have the need for it when she was just plain lying down, or when she started walking, then playing, then running around. I didn’t want her to be like those kids waving around the pacifier in the playground, the malls, and everywhere else. Thank goodness she didn’t!

But it’s time to move on now. We couldn’t do it cold turkey. Maybe it is us, the caregivers, who aren’t ready yet. I noticed that when she was dead tired from a day out, she would conk out really fast. But when she had a nap, she couldn’t be put down when night time rolls around! Putting her to sleep becomes a struggle as she still has those energy to spend yet. And when we ourselves need to lay our bodies to rest, we always take the easy way out and bring out the precious “chuchu”, as the binky is fondly called, again. So much for teaching her to learn without it. We really need a good spanking! And when she teared up some of it when she began teething, I told myself that I wouldn’t buy her a new one so we could all move on without it. But my mind might be willing, but my sanity is not. Yet. I gave in, again and again. She might have have six or seven of those her whole babyhood, and her in early toddlerhood.

Well, a few more weeks, and I feel that, we’re really getting there. I have to have more willpower to rouse myself at night when she wakes up, and looks for the chuchu. Just a few minutes of rubbing her back or tapping her thighs, and she’s good to go. It is, I, who needs to adjust to all this. For her.

Sleep deprived

I have been having trouble sleeping of late. While I loved the four-day holiday, playing catch up time with Mischa, it did nothing for my tired body. I’m wishing for those times when, as soon as my back hits the sack, I’m off to dreamland. But nooo! I had to watch lovingly, but rather enviously, father and daughter snore away all throughout the weekend while I tossed and turned for hours. I want sleep to find me again easily. I sure miss the days when I could do it at will. Waking up at 5:30 in the morning, and catching a nap for only thirty minutes while on vacation are definitely bummers!

I guess even if my katawang tao badly needs to rest, my mind just couldn’t give in to it. It continues to play and work, spinning off images of letters, phone calls, speeches, other drafts that I needed to do in the office. It creates scenarios, most of them the worst cases, and makes my heart and my head pound with anxiety. It doesn’t take a genius to diagnose that I am again under pounds of stress that I wish would just go away or die natural deaths. I wish we didn’t have to work under such stressful conditions. I long for the days when I would happily and willingly accomplish work, without having to worry unnecessarily that the work being done is not at par with very high and sometimes beyond reasonable standards.

I just wish I could sleep well again.

anatomy of sleep

mischa has always been one heck of a sleeper since day 1. notice all her antics. but as always, mommy just couldn’t get enough of her little angel even when she’s doing nothing except being cute:)

she went from this:

5 days old with daddy

the first week on her cot

look at the then skinny legs and arms

to this:

@4 months

super fast asleep hence the obliviousness

tummy sleeper since she turned 6 months

new body clock

i’ve been up since 5:30 a.m. since mischa had her first bottle for the day. i’ve been trying to put her to sleep to no avail. she wanted to play. wanted to roll around on the bed. wanted to kick me for trying to prevent her from doing it lest she regurgitates her milk. after she finally settled down an hour and fifteen minutes later, i got to have a ten minute nap tops. but that was it. i tossed round and round into the little space left for me by hubby and baby but then had to get up. my body didn’t want to sleep. it knows it’s morning already. gone were the days of milking out sleep time. walked around, did the bottles, fixed the place, etc. guess my mommy brain is working at its regular pace, having been used to getting up early, making sure my body follows. lie-in has become a thing of the past.