Because of the recent turn of events, cooking and preparing our menu have really been quite a challenge. For someone who is a hearty eater, and has a penchant for savory, salty and carnivorous food, the sudden drop in meat and spices is making a mess but only in my head. What can I do, the husband drastically needed to change his diet. And I wouldn’t want to be the one to put his health on the line so I go along with it. I wonder how long I will last.
Picking out groceries is another matter. I feel a little forlorn when I go up and down the aisles as I try to select healthier options. I feel like my gustatory experience is being limited. I never had to check content for sodium and cholesterol. But this is good, right? I just have to convince myself that I’ll live without the taste. It’ll get better in time, and in the long run.
I dragged my feet and the rest of body to work again last week after the holidays were over. We spent Christmas and New Year quietly, and we generally kept to ourselves–tucked away in our new but still suburban home (I guess we will never be city folks). My heart has never seemed to contented. I loved waking up, albeit too early for my taste (must be getting old), and pottering around. My days would be full preparing food for my little family, cleaning up, playing with the little girl, watering plants, doing laundry, tinkering apps on my phone when all is quiet, putting up my feet, and then doing the cycle again.
I wish I could have more days like these. Many days now, I dream of staying at home, and concentrate on raising my child and keeping house. I want to bring her to school, do errands for the house, help her study, put her to naps.
I want to seriously take up baking and gardening (but I must have the faintest green thumb ever).
I hope we save enough so I don’t have to work. More than the physical weariness I feel every time I go to work, I always feel the emotional battery draining me. I long for a respite from all that madness. I want to find more reasons, other than it pays the bill, for me to put up with all that hullabaloo.
For now, the respite comes only every weekend. The week days seem endless.
Excitement is pretty much building up in our household, well at least in my and hubby’s case. Our last trip to the house early Saturday morning confirmed that construction will be finished by Monday. I hardly dared believed it for fear of getting my hopes too high, and then coming back to earth with a hard thud if they fail to keep their end of the bargain. All we can do at this point, I guess, is wait. And see. It will the end of our anguish and our tumultuous relationship with the developer, and the beginning of our new life as a family.
Nevertheless, hearing the sweet words from the good ol’ carpenter we chanced upon during our visit, and seeing that they are indeed putting up the finishing touches (second coat of painting-check, electric outlets-check, tiled floor-check), we did a sweep of different establishments over the weekend. One, to window shop, and two, to actually shop. I know, I know! But I didn’t believe it was too early at all. Considering we are waiting for turnover in a week or two, slowly building up our inventory is not such a bad thing. So despite the continuous rains, and the training at the office on a Saturday, we still managed to empty our pockets considerably, and bring home bags of bathroom implements, curtain rods, rugs, mirrors, a wonderful wall clock and a coffee table. I know we still need a lot, but I am happy we get to cross off some items on our list. Funnily enough, thinking about what we still have to buy makes me tired and excited at the same time. But of course, this is something worth getting aching arms and legs, calluses on my feet, for.
I felt like being the superstar wife, mother and daughter last Saturday. Ako na! Ako na ang domestic! lol. Maybe it has something to do with wanting to take away the stress at work so I kept my hands and mind sooo busy. Or I was plain happy to be with my kid (as always). Or maybe it was because for the first time in weeks, my whole family was complete after Mama and Dad have been attending to my sick aunt in Manila during weekends. Whatever. I was just glad to be home.
Aside from the laundry, a lot of tidying up, and providing about three-fourths of my attention to the toddler at hand, much of the weekend was spent slaving over the hot stove, and whipping up not-so-usual fares for the family. I missed pottering around in “my” kitchen when we used to live on our own (I will have more of these kitchen jobs soon). But for now, I did what I had to do in my mom’s lair.
Pasta with shrimp in olive oil
Hungarian sausage pasta
Got inspiration from the net, of course. After this, I promise to do more cooking at home.
It’s taking a really long time for me to move on. I’m almost laughing at myself, I can’t believe I’m still grumbling about the loss of my helper. In my two years of marriage being a wife and mother, I must say that the biggest difficulty we have and continue to encounter is the absence of a decent nanny.
We have been shuttling back and forth between houses so that Mischa can have someone look over her. In the month’s time that former yaya has gone home to unemployment to her home province (I am not happy, really I’m not), Mischa has gone through the hands of my mom, mother in law, her ninong, her ninong’s helper, and us of course during weekends. It has not been easy considering we have drag with us luggages and various kid contraptions like sterilizer, bottles, booster seat, containers, to name a few. And those are just her stuff. Let’s not go into ours.
Then there’s the constant adjustment we all have to endure whenever she changes guardian hands as she does not take too easily with strangers although these are not strangers at all. She’s just not used to being with them. Being her mother, my antenna has been up and in fifth gear with worry.
Hay baby girl, I wish I could stay home and be with you and take care of you. I wish we didn’t have to worry about earning much. I wish I am the one who plays with you all the day and sees to it that your every need is met. Properly. You have been so wonderful what with all the things you are learning and soaking up. I wish to God that I could be there every single day so that I could be the one to teach you and guide you. Alas, I can only offer you mornings before I have to rush to work, and nights (when you are still awake by the time we get home) to lull you to sleep. I can only devote weekends to you. Even then, my hands and time are limited because I have chores. I know these are taking away my quality time with you. Don’t you worry baby, we’ll find someone soon. Hopefully we’ll be able to settle down to our old routine soon.
Can I get real corny here?
I don’t know, but I was so happy, corny, romantic, and basically swelling with love at the sight of our home yesterday morning. It was like I was feeling all the warmth of the beautiful Sunday sun deep within my bones and settling over my being. To think that it was a very typical day for us. But I just gushed when I saw how the suburban feel of it all. The helper was out on an errand, I was making breakfast, the hubby was reading the morning paper, and the toddler was quietly poring over her books, pens, crayons, and toys, occasionally looking up and calling Mommy or Daddy.
The weekends have become so precious. As we live in the outskirts of Metro Manila, we spend a couple of hours just for travel. When I was younger, I swore that I would do what my parents did, and that is to waste precious hours on the road that leave them spent, and spares them minimal time at home. But alas, fate had other plans for me. Since we are just starting our family and cannot afford our own abode yet, we play housekeeper for my sister-in-law. Thus, we fell into the trap of living at the suburbs while earning our keep at the metropolis. It’s just the way it is. For now, anyway.
I just hope I don’t miss out too much on my daughter’s growing up years–and she’s at it in an awfully fast way. I couldn’t believe the antics she has and the personality she’s developing into. I pray with all my might that He gives me the wisdom and temperance to raise her properly.
I savored the feeling so much that I hope to take it with me to sustain me the whole week. It’s my armor against all the negative things at work. And believe me, there are a lot.
I’ll be thinking of you, sweetie. Mommy loves you very much.
I have been mulling over the past few weeks whether I would put up the Christmas tree this year. My great consideration–the toddler in the house and her insatiable need to touch and pull anything that fancies her! And with all the lights and the shiny bells on the tree, there is no way she can ignore that big thing in the living room where she spends her days patrolling! While I know we can do with just the capiz lantern, wreaths and Christmas lights of all colors, it’s just not the same without a tree. And I know she would love one. Yes, I know she would. I’ve seen how her eyes went huge when she saw trees in her Ninong’s and Tita’s house when we visited.
Now, I wonder how…