Good riddance

It was all over in a heartbeat. Gosh, I feel so ridiculous because I feel like I am reeling from a heartbreak. I even spent a sleepless night and shed tears for the ungrateful yaya. Yes, the bitterness is there. I’m sorry I can’t help it. I want to punch myself for feeling so bereft and forlorn.

After my overly positive post about how beautiful our weekends are, came this. And out of nowhere I might add. I really had no inkling that the yaya was planning to go home. She seemed completely at ease and comfortable round us, the house and most especially her ward, Mischa. Then she brought this on us real hard. Of course, we couldn’t stop her if indeed she wants to go home to her family. But this soon? She told us Friday, and we said that she ought to give us time to find a replacement for us. I mean, she’s been with us for more than a year. She knows how crazy our schedule is, having to leave in the wee hours of the morning and going home really late, regrettably leaving us very little time for our daughter the entire workweek. She knows how important she is. We trust her with our lives, most importantly our child’s life.

I’m grumbling. I’m so freaking disappointed. She said she couldn’t take care of Mischa anymore. I deeply, deeply feel the rejection. My exact thoughts were “how could she not love my daughter anymore, hindi sya mahirap mahalin!“. I was doubly hurt the whole weekend everytime I see Mischa looking at her everytime they pass each other, callling on to her “Ate”, smiling up at her, doing her peekaboo, making funny faces at her, and basically looking up trustingly at her, perhaps wondering why she wasn’t being picked up. How could she turn away from that? At ura-urada pa. Hindi na makahintay kahit isang linggo na lang nya pagtiisan yung bata!. My eyes are welling up again. I can’t write anymore.

I will get over this. Good riddance.

Latest antics of Mischa

I know I haven’t posted enough entries about Mischa’s milestones. Needless to say, most of them are etched into Mommy’s memory, and I am not likely to forget them anytime soon. But come a few months’ or years’ time, I might actually forget when these happened.

Anyhoo, our general assessment is: Mischa has become such a gaya-gaya puto-maya (copycat). She imitates everything we do or say, thus, the need to be more careful about our words and actions. It is this stage that we hope to seriously instill values she can understand, such as sharing, being polite (saying please and thank you), and sort of teach her the concept of religion. It is also the time when we start making her realize that not everything revolves around her. And as most literature on childhood rearing and development would advise parents: Be a role model! And we’re trying to do just that. So help us God!

Anyway (again), we noticed that she was doing things that we initially wondered where she got these from. Cases in point: 1) she got hold of nail cutter and began making motions on her toes 2) she tries to take photos of herself with the cellphone turned backward towards her.

Hmmm yaya, what have you been doing while ate and kuya are away?

Happy Birthday, Yaya!

Mischa’s Yaya Vinvin turned 21 last weekend. While we didn’t actually threw a party for her, I cooked a somewhat special though simple lunch for her. I know that she must sometimes feel lonely being so far away from her family, and has only us, as her family here. I’m not the ma-chika type of employer. I don’t really have the charm or disposition to “pry” into her life. I haven’t scolded her ever either despite her mini transgressions. So anyway, my folks came over so she would have visitors and we gave the neighbors food to celebrate with her.

We had these (from L-R: Rosemary chicken, Pork with cauliflower, Spaghetti Bolognese):

When she blew the candle on her cake, I said she could wish for anything. Except for a boyfriend, until her ward turns 10, that is. lol.

careless yaya

i have had yaya vinvin since after the new year holidays this year.  she’s the only one who’s lasted this long (7 months and counting).  before, i used to rack my brain why there was a continuous parade of short-lived nannies who are in and out our door faster than you can say mischa.  i lived through horror stories of unhygienic, smoking, hysterical and sosy (who thought we were paying her P500 for a half day’s work) helpers that it somehow crossed my mind dozens of times whether we are horrible employers, and if we treat them badly.  i couldn’t think of any reason why anyone didn’t last longer than 2 months.  in my moments of introspection (and desperation), i wanted to take the blame why we couldn’t hold on to mischa’s yayas.  they were given decent salaries, provided comfortable quarters, etc.  i haven’t been in the motherhood game that long back then, but i thought that we were treating them fairly enough, except that i couldn’t bring myself to get too chummy with them. others i know make it a point to ask them about their families, their life stories, what bothers them, their favorite foods, find out more about their children.  i guess in time, i might develop this kind of emphatic trait of employers, but it’s not really me to be ma-chika with other people who are strangers at first.  it takes a while for me to be ultra comfortable, even with friends.  it’s not my personality, really.  as long as i see that they’re doing their job well, we can get along fine.  but i’m not really into the closey-closey relationships, i’m not just made up of that stuff.  sometimes i do talk to them, and ask them what they need.  with yaya vinvin, i guess i’m beginning to warm to her with as much warmth as i could muster.  don’t get me wrong, i trust mischa with her so that counts for something.  she’s the only one i have felt comfortable with from the get-go.  i can go about my business leaving my baby, knowing that i can work in peace knowing she’s being taken cared of well, without her turning into a yagit or an uhugin.  i also know that she follows my instructions when it comes to mischa to the letter. by this time, she knows what we like and do not like, and she’s careful enough not to test the waters.  at the young of 20, she keeps house for us quite well.  my hubby is short-tempered, and to say he hasn’t reprimanded her is an achievement in itself.  lol.

until recently.  we discover stuff upon stuff of broken plates, cups, containers, and house decors, and burned pieces of clothing.  sigh.  i knew things couldn’t be perfect.  she’s bound to be bad at something (not that i was hoping for something to happen, of course).  it’s just, you realize that things are too good to be true.  sure, she performs everything without complaint.  i hardly ever hear her actually, much less complain of things.  she doesn’t even tell me if things like laundry detergent, dishwashing liquid, cooking oil, etc. have gone up to dry.  i usually just discover that we are left with very little or no supplies at all.  it’s different with mischa’s supplies but i am such an OC when it comes to her milk, water, diapers, vitamins, etc.  anyway, that’s what we have to deal with lately–her becoming careless and a little clumsy.  she’s broken several of my stuff (wedding gifts, and these are limited) and my sister-in-law’s (we are playing house guard while her family is in UK), and has burned hubby’s uniform and other clothes.  now, these are minor things really but of course, it can piss you a little when you come home and you find out about these.  we’re thinking now if we are going to ask her to pay for the subsequent things she breaks or not.  as i told hubby, it’s not the things per se that we value, it’s more of teaching her to be more responsible for the things being entrusted to her.  i also find this a little harsh as she receives minimal pay and i know that her family needs the money she sends them but how to teach her a lesson?  how to ensure that she provides more care and attention to the things we’ve built or invested in?  we don’t have much right now, and what we already have, we treasure to bits.

how do we deal with this?

a week apart

hubby is leaving for one week, or to be more exact, eight days starting this sunday 😦 boo-hoo! mischa and i are sad, or at least i am. i know my daughter is utterly clueless about it. while i can claim to be fairly independent even after our marriage, this is the first time that he and i will be away from each other since we started living together in november of ’08. there was this one time last year when i was on my final month with mischa that he had to leave for his hometown because of the death of an aunt. but that was just an almost overnight thing. i had to resort to nonchalant reluctance about letting him go then but of course tried my hardest not to show it. i stayed with my parents, and i just had to fend for myself (almost). looking back, the two days just passed by in a blur. now, there is the household and the 7-month overactive baby to boot. while life continues, and i just have to get my ass to work everyday, i am more concerned about his presence every night and every morning. you see, we take turns with mischa whenever we are at home, and yaya has her hands free with the baby. mischa is never alone, whether awake or asleep whenever we are there. i never wanted anybody else taking care of her, even picking her up, when i am in the vicinity. that’s just the weird mom in me having this irrational fear that my daughter will prefer other people than me because she sees less of me but that’s for another story. i just don’t know i how i will cope with the absence of hubby for this business trip in bicol. i couldn’t express my utmost gratitude last december when another trip to surigao/agusan got cancelled and i thanked the high heavens for that. now, i know if we would get lucky again save for the mayon volcano erupting but i wouldn’t wish that for the province. besides i’ve been there before and that was the time typhoon reming hit the region with flashfloods and lava flows. it was even more dangerous then with us traversing ravaged roads with fallen electrical posts, a jumble of wires in the middle of the streets, broken billboards, G.I. sheets torn from their houses, establishments covered with dust from ash flows and an assortment of mess that only super typhoons with matching volcanic eruptions can bring. anyway, i am again praying that this trip wouldn’t push through. i have issues from the most serious to the mundane such as how can i take a bath if mischa wakes up earlier than usual and plays with abandon on the bed as she is wont to do. again, one of my weird rules at home that i don’t want the help being too familiar or intimate with us, and that includes being on the bed with the baby. another is, we are nearing our first wedding anniversary on the 25th and he’s due to arrive on the 24th. i know, i know.. we still have time to celebrate when he comes home and we might be able to swing a day off from work but i wanted the whole weekend! and then there are the security issues. being married and a parent, i guess the threat of loss and mortality have reached new heights. i’m just praying i’m still high on heaven’s priority list..

october updates

been on a short hiatus lately because of lack of resources and whatnots. tis too bad because a lot has happened since my last post. among them:

😦 ondoy and pepeng have strucked for three weeks. the devastation is beyond words. our family almost had a double whammy when floods entered the inside of our house in taytay, and hubby’s family experienced the same in the province in cagayan. i could not cram all the things and stories tumbling through my mind for the past weeks. the good thing is, we’re all safe, and our things are intact. but the image of water rushing to our street and hubby almost running for his life are forever etched in my mind. all i could remember that time was me snatching mischa from the crib and running up the stairs. but that god it was all we had to endure. others lost lives, properties. some went hungry for days and had to “live” on roofs while we were safe and dry. thank you lord!

🙂 my auntie cynthia is here from japan.

🙂 mischa celebrated her fourth birthsary. hooray! she’s about to start solid foods although the mother in me is actually having second thoughts despite the excitement that she’s about to reach another milestone. babycenter recommends starting on solids at age 6 months. hmmm, will think about it for a few more days. plus we forgot all her plates and utensils at home. she’s just started trying to flip herself and my poor baby is having a hard time at it because she’s a little on the heavy side. (pedia actually said she’s kinds overweight). she’s really grown a lot.

🙂 mischa’s been to the mall. yay!

😦 got rid of two yayas. i’m starting to wonder what’s with us and helpers. we’ve really got this problem out of control as we could not seem to keep one and get someone matino. the second to the last one went berserk at the height of ondoy plus had issues with our companion at home. we also bid the last one goodbye after we found out she smokes. darn! how are we supposed to be on our own when we can’t leave mischa while we go to work?

🙂 applied to a large multinational humanitarian organization. am keeping my fingers crossed.

🙂 had a breather at work. as in wheeeeeeeeeeew! i hope this one lasts for a while.

🙂 my good friend kahlil got married. at last! congratulations dude. and bee-have!

mischa’s latest:

4

9

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wednesday thoughts

it’s such a gloomy day today. we’re being beaten by horrendous rainpour since the weekend. it was nice and cozy then, being bundled up between sheets with your lovey and baby around you. then reality struck, and had to get back to work, forcing me and hubby to face a gloomy and wet week ahead. yesterday, hubby and i went home drenched to the bone.

9mischa had been especially lovable with all her antics, squeals, laughs, endless kiddie babbles and can now sit without toppling over, which made leaving her doubly hard. i wish i could stay with her all day and night and watch her as milestone after milestone unfolds. she just celebrated her third month in this world, and as a proud momma, i must say, i couldn’t find a finer baby in this world 🙂 i think she’s really ahead of her class of 3-month olds. on her last check-up last saturday, she gained another 1.1 kgs., a far cry from the normal 600 grams that babies should gain every month after they’re born. although, i was earlier afraid that she’s going to start down the obese road the way she gulps down her milk. but i think we have that under control due to my persistence with family and caregivers not to give her more than what she needs. as i kept on saying, much to the chagrin of others who couldn’t stand seeing and hearing her cry and insists on putting a milk bottle into her mouth as soon as she starts bawling, crying doesn’t spell hunger. as mischa has proved to have an attitude this early (which i hope doesn’t last into childhood and later into adulthood), she has various needs and moods that come with her crying. most of the time, she demands to be picked up, carried or talked to. she’s quite the attention-getter. but who couldn’t resist, with her chinky eyes and wide wide smile. but while we want to shower her all the attention she wants, we must give her just the ample amount of love and care lest she learns to think that she can get away with anything she wants.

she also got her second shot of the hepa-b vaccine, which is among the long series of immunizations she needs. as was usual, she bellowed at the top of her lungs as soon as the needle went in. thank god, she was in the middle of finishing up a bottle, and continued as though nothing interrupted her feeding after crying for about five seconds. the pediatrician told us to ready ourselves with the next shot, as this will prove to be the most expensive yet (P5,000 for 1 shot, out of 3). oh well, a parent has to ensure safety and health above all things. thereafter, she’s only getting booster shots for all the other vaccines she’s already had anyhow. and we save up a lot on doctor’s fees because of the nice pediatrician we have.

on a more hopeful note, help is now on its way. yay! this area of motherhood/housekeeping has been giving me headaches ever since mischa was born. as both hubby and i are working, we need a helper/all-around maid/semi-nanny to do the chores at home and take care of the baby. the latter is secondary as somebody looks after her anyway. the last one we had, whom i had no choice but to live with despite all the palpak she has done at home, suddenly went home a month after we spent for her fare from the bicol province. somehow i felt shortchanged as we have not really made bawi on what we have shelled out, including, i suspect a finder’s fee for the person who recruited her. then the temporary help we hired who has to come in only in the mornings to do the laundry, the dishes and bathing mischa, goes as she please. despite our arrangement, she comes in anytime she wants. we hired her only because she occasionally does the ironing before in our house when i was still single. she’s an unemployed mother with five children and a number of grandchildren who lives near my aunt. so i really couldn’t understand how she couldn’t make true to her word and show herself up to do 4 hours of work. i couldn’t really understand this of some urban poor people when they have employment dangling over their heads and yet could not seem to put their heart into it when the alternative is hunger and less consumption power. i am not being overbearing or proud, but i keep on thinking how we, regular employees, can come on time to our work because we know it’s part of the terms and conditions of our employment. how come some people could not do the same? and to think their need is greater than ours. why can’t they love their work? or at least give importance to it when it feeds mouths. and many keep on complaining of poverty…

why is it so hard to get good help nowadays?

anyhow, i should not dwell on that much longer, as mama-in-law is coming to manila over the weekend bringing with her a new yaya! i hope and pray to God with all my heart that this will be a super duper bigger improvement. again, since we are desperate, we hired her as soon as we heard news of her availability. her ways at home is still suspect of course, pending reviews of yours truly. we could only expect as much from a 50-something widow from the barrio. as long as mischa is safe, we’ll have to do with her. we couldn’t afford to stay any longer at my folks’ home. am also going crazy with worry leaving her everyday. so i’m just staying positive for now that things will be better with the new help.