I have two points here.
I got a bit affected with the Angelo Reyes killing-slash-suicide. To date, nobody can really tell, but most evidence points out to the latter. What can I say? That we really don’t know if he did steal or not. It’s easy to be high and mighty about judging him na nakonsensya sya because of the things he supposedly committed and the huge amounts of government funds that he supposedly partook of. He may, he may have not. Personally, I think there is some truth to it. But, but! Let us not assume that just because he is from the government that’s why he did it! It just sorta burns me up inside. Yes I know that there are absolute corrupt officials and employees within the branches of the government. But it is unfair to use that “because he is from the government” thing para isakdal na ang tao. E kung lahat ng taga-gobyerno e titingnan mo ng ganun, paano naman yung totoong mga nagtatrabaho para sa kapakanan ng bayan?
Jeez! I feel bad more about this issue than the actual suicide. lol. Last month, I “celebrated” my tenth year in government, and I could say with all integrity and dignity that I have never and will ever steal while using the excuse to “feed my family”. I have not so much as stole a single centavo from the coffers of the government save for some pens that are accidentally brought home from my working table. For me, there will always be honorable work available. We just have to learn to be content with what we earn. If we can’t do that, we might as well look for a better-paying job. That’s why it enrages me to hear comments like that, that government officials and employees are “naturally corrupt”.
Besides, people from the private sector also steal right? Why aren’t they being persecuted the way public servants are? Yeah, yeah, yeah, taxes and public funds pay for their salaries. But aren’t private companies earn by profiting from people’s money too? It just doesn’t make sense to judge people from the government that way.
On what pushed Angelo Reyes to pull the trigger straight to his heart (if he did), we really don’t know what he was thinking at that moment. It may have been borne out of desperation, or guilt, or hopelessness. We wouldn’t know if he thought of the action long and hard, or a spur of the moment thing. Is it a personality thing? Is it a sign of weakness?
I have endured depressing moments in my life. Moments where I actually felt and lived na parang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. I don’t know if I am psychotic (I hope not), but sadness and alone-ness are two of my friends. Generally, I am a happy person but I give in to bouts of depressions much like my next door neighbor or colleague. My career/job sucks, I am groping at parenthood, I do not have the perfect marriage, I have to deal with salbahe people all the time, and so on. I complain a lot and feel that people sometimes just don’t understand me or my need to be validated (there I said it). When one is in this state, sometimes it feels like one is at a dead end. But then, one gets to think–what next if you decide to take your life? Sure, your problems are whisked away. For you anyway. But what about the ones you will be leaving behind. It is such an easy way out. You wake up and then all your troubles are gone. No more neurotic people, no more financial constraints, no more of everything. But then, for me at least, I always, always think of what will happen my daughter in case I go away. It chills me to the bone. And then I stop thinking about it.
Was there nobody special enough to be the reason for Angelo Reyes’ existence?