on being a mom

just had to repost this.  i have encountered the article many times over in other mommies’ blogs, and it drives straight into one’s heart especially when you’re a mother yourself.  it’s so close to home.


Being a Mom

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of “starting a family.”

“We’re taking a survey,” she says half-joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?”

“It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

“I know,” she says, “no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations.”

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, “What if that had been MY child?” That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of “Mom!” will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.

She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at McDonald’s will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to k now that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.


I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. “You’ll never regret it,” I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter’s hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

on pcos, myoma and pills

i went to my obgyne yesterday for a check-up. he actually asked me to come back november but was too busy. i can’t recall now what i have been doing but just know that things kept me preoccupied that time. whatever. anyhoo, had a transvaginal ultrasound as required, to keep check of my uterine fibroid (if it’s growing, shrinking, etc.). i kinda got used to this because of the x number of times i had to undergo it. upon initial evaluation of the doctor’s findings, saw that the myoma more or less remained the same. but it had a new annotation of “polycystic right ovary“. i was actually surprised because this syndrome hasn’t been seen on me before. i have had heard of pcos greatly from friends who have it, or online buddies in the n@w community. i have debunked the theory that women with pcos have trouble conceiving wehehe. i personally know of four close friends who have it but have healthy children despite having their periods a couple of times a year only. i got a little confused because one kumare said that hormone therapy usually does the trick for pcos people. but what about my myoma? my ob actually prevented me from taking pills lest the thing grows which could eventually lead to him to take out my uterus. so what then? gave him my results and after running through it, gave me a pap smear. god! i don’t known how much more my precious can take in a day huhuhu. i’ve got enough poking to last me a lifetime. he then prescribed me nordette for the time being and told me to have myself checked again in three months to see if myoma grows any bigger. the good news is, we can do away with counting and using protection for the period. hooray! gone will be the days of unease and slight fear for being pregnant this soon. at least for the time being.

marriages and infidelity

on the heels of the kris aquino supposed scandal…

it’s funny that something as shallow as showbiz gossip made its sneaky way into our online forum. but of course, as kris is a mother and wife, this topic hotly touched the deepest recesses of women in the n@w community. i guess it’s because at one time or another, we have been touched by the evilness of infidelity, whether in our own marriages or of someone else familiar and dear to us. it is one of the touchiest but most real of horrors that a woman, married or in a relationship, fear. i might only be speaking for myself because jealousy is my second name lol. to my own defense, i don’t think it’s insecurity or immaturity on my part rather maybe the sting of being fooled to the highest level has sorely touched and scorched me for life. i know hubby has tried his damnest even before when we were dating to convince me of his love and dedication to me as his wife and as a person. still i admit to regular moments of annoyance when thoughts of deceit or probable closeness to other women come up front. pardon the quirks, i’m only human after all. it’s something i have to work on for life. but i’m learning, alright?

anyway, going back to the kris issue…i feel so strongly about women like the mayen austria being referred to. even if i have friends who are like that (read: angeline jolies, krista ranillos and marian riveras of this world!), i give them a piece of my mind. i just don’t see the point of sniffing around and trying to make your presence felt with guys who are committed, as i said married or in a relationship. it’s just plain wrong. maybe it stems from me being a victim of seemingly innocent get-togethers that eventually led into something big which ended up in a relationship that went kaput after ten years of togetherness (i’ve posted enough literature on this i can write a book :)). then again, whichever way you look at it, nothing just adds up. while it is human nature to be greedy and sheath one’s claws for survival, we still stake our own territory. and once it’s done with the consent of adults, it’s for life. so it still irks me to death whenever i get whiff of girls or women who seduce or use their powers (financial, emotional blackmail, legs, cleavage or whatnots) to lure perfectly committed men who will seem to think that they need these idiots in their lives for an ego boost or something. these women should be hanged upside down lol. some of them make a living out of it, breaking up relationships one after another. they feel a really macabre sense of triumph when they manage to split apart a perfectly fine relationship. hmmmpf.

i don’t very much like kris like when she goes tattling around things about her and her family. we have all sordidly but fascinatingly followed her tumultous affairs. despite best efforts, it’s hard to ignore her when she’s panning for the camera, tears and all, telling the public how a former presidential daughter has acquired a sexually-transmitted disease. but she’s absolutely right this time. in all fairness to her, she’s grown and matured leaps and bounds, maybe because she has to as her husband is eleven years her junior. she had to be the strong, understanding and patient person she’s not used to. there’s nothing wrong with protecting your turf. she realizes that it is her responsibility because she smells something different and fishy with this whole affair. how can we blame her if she feels uncomfortable about women calling her husband? i also like the fact that she doesn’t care much about her image as a public figure so long as she feels it is her right and duty as a wife and mother.

as for james, what the hell. there’s obviously something wrong here if these kinds of problems about womanizing, etc. keeps on cropping up. granting that kris is a very dominating person, he still made him his wife. he shouldn’t keep on entertaining a spark even for a fleeting second which could get into a razing fire. yeah maybe sometimes he feels emasculated considering he should be the man in the house. still, he wanted it in the first place, had wanted the marriage the take place, had consented to it. he chose her with all her antics and craziness. five years ago when they got married, despite all her flaws and her past, james opted to marry her. if he was not ready then, she shouldn’t have tied himself to her, right?

and what’s with dragging noynoy’s name in the issue?

“Why marriages need expiration dates”

my first reaction when i came across this article in the w@w page was WTF!!! i mean, i am all for the whole women empowerment thing, and i have always believed that women should be strong and equal partners whether in marriage, in politics, at work or the society in general. but this is just the pits. it gives no value to marriage and the family because one can throw it all away just like that, at the snap of fingers, just like instant noodles when they have gone cold. and much as i have always opposed catholic views (despite being catholic and studied in a catholic school for like, forever), in particular with regard to family planning and reproduction, for once we are behind the same fence. marriage and the family should not be treated as some kind of business deal. this kind of partnership or union is meant to be taken cared of, and nurtured. this is probably one of the reasons our society crumbles and falls apart, because we begin not to give importance to the building block of our nation–the family. people treat it just they would do their properties instead of as part of their beings, and as something that only humans cherish, which is being in a loving and caring relationship. they say that this would end the long suffering of those who cannot afford an annulment. i say that this becomes another instrument by which men can just leave their wives to fend for themselves and their children in case the 10-year period is up and the he wants out. what happens then to the children? it gives more reason for couples not to work out their differences. this NGO should rethink about their position on this before they make fools of themselves when they take this up in congress. they should reevaluate their views on whether they want to protect women or give them up for slaughter by letting one of the precious things in their life go to waste.

the hollaback girls

it’s good to be together even for just a couple of hours. we chanced a dinner that i almost missed because of the problem of mischa’s babysitting. but i know i couldn’t pass the chance to be with them. i miss these two girlfriends of mine. since bel is now in dubai, and cheng i mostly catch up on the phone, this is a dinner i could hardly pass upon. we have had our share of ups and downs and through the years, we have celebrated life. we have gone through a lot for a couple of gurls who bonded together only because of a boracay trip in 2005 despite knowing each other for a couple of years in the workplace. we have weathered breakups, done gimmicks, inuman and yosi sessions, parties, sleepovers and a gamut of kalokohans. we witnessed the births of our kids, watched partners come and go. i consider them family, and i know our friendship will endure for years to come despite the distance and the different paths we each chose to take. now, there are just the phone calls, the yms, the occasional get togethers. i will forever cherish them and i know deep in my heart that i could hold on to them for dear life. we’re three-of-a-kind despite the contrasting personalities. we kick ass! and we hope to pass on the torch to our daughters in the future.

the bora trip - 2005

@ an inuman

baguio inuman - 2006

despedida for the big boss - 2006

my own daughter hasn't been born yet here, and the two other girls have grown A LOT since then

fooling around one lazy afternoon

celebrating my birthday with our best boy pals

the way we were - 2006

and then there were three - 2007

women of the world - 2009

miss ya girls!

farewell tita cory

imagesaugust 1 dawned a sad day for the filipino nation. the skies opened, and tears fell from the heavens to mourn with a country grieving for a defeated former leader. although quite expected, many people still woke up in shock upon hearing the news of her death. felled by sickness, corazon aquino remained strong and with her dignity intact. she succumbed to death after a yearlong battle with cancer. just as she did in ’86 when she courageously stood up to ferdinand marcos, she again united a country so fraught with problems and riddled with wars at its leadership helm. in the months prior to her death, the nation prayed as one for her recovery.

today, i watched alongside my colleagues, as her hearse made its way to the manila cathedral. i felt goosebumps as i stood there on the sixth floor ledge of our office building. below us were throngs of people waiting as well, and hoping to catch a glimpse of the convoy. how it must have really meant for the aquino and cojuangco families. despite the sadness they are feeling at the moment, they must have been overwhelmed by the show of love, gratitude and reverence to tita cory. i was little when ninoy aquino died and was in my grade school days when tita cory came into office. all i can remember of her and her administration was that we had many days off from school because of the coup d’etat attacks every few days or months or so. but now i can realize how much she has done for the nation for her to garner this outpouring of grief and support to her family upon her demise. she has done well and good despite her minimal experience in public service. she was always unassuming in her ways, never seeking publicity into which she was abruptly thrusted into following her husband’s death. but she always saw to it that she did good. nobody can say bad things about her. i wonder if present government leaders would receive the same accolade she did today. she was an icon of truth, democracy, peace and service. she was a woman of passion, of courage, of love.

cory must be happy knowing she will be reunited with the love of her life now. it was said that the family knew it was time because she was already seeing ninoy. she must be smiling down on the people she considers her children as she leaves this world with the love of the people she has served embracing her and the family she has left behind.