Roles we play

I miss having my mama around. I am 37 years old, married, with two precocious kids, paying mortgage for a house, hold a quite important position at work, and I am pining for my mama like a 5-year old.

I am telling you that I can and will survive on my own. I can make food, I can ride public transport, I can wash and iron clothes, etc. etc. But I miss mama’s presence at home. Just the presence. That there is an extra pair of eyes watching over my kids.

I am a wife and a mother, but I am still a daughter.

Toy shopping

So many toys, so little time. A kids’ version of heaven on Earth.

It’s a good thing they have an indulgent and able Ninong. Or else, they’ll be stuck with Mommy on a budget and a Daddy on a mission to lessen clutter at home. Haha. Oh well, this is so once in a blue moon that they get to choose what they want. I don’t think one shopping binge will spoil them for life. Thank you Ninong!.

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A little sadness in my heart

Doesn’t it pinch your heart, or your insides in general, when you see your parents get sick, or they seem to slow down?

There is nothing definite yet, because we haven’t had Dad checked. But I cannot ignore it any longer, the signs are staring me in the face – the forgetfulness, the staring off into space for long periods of time, the slowness of actions, as if contemplating on what to do next…I just can’t put everything into words how worried and sort of devastated I feel. On the surface, he is still the same dad/doting granddad to the two kids, but I can see. I can see the slow deterioration. My instinct tells me to see a professional but I am afraid. As a child, you are used to having your parents as your pillar of strength, the ones who take care of you, and not the other way around. It is not that hard to take care of them, but it really breaks your heart to see them weak, and you wonder what time had done to them. But it is reality that you cannot turn your back on, no matter how painful. Mortality is such a strange thing.

Bed time is fun time

Bed time lately has been fun but tiring and sometimes, frustrating.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughters more than anything in this world. But as a working mom, with only your husband and senior citizen parents helping around the house (ergo, most chores still fall on my lap), all you want to do at the end of the day is lie on your bed and travel to neverland. My mind is already running to things to do the next day, and my remaining energy and willpower are bent on putting the kids to sleep. But in most cases, they who still have all that energy inside, have a different game plan every night. What else but to continue playing!

And so, despite my failing energy levels, I normally don’t have the heart to shush them and or make them stop when I see that they are enjoying themselves just horsing around. I can’t help but laugh with them as they display pure, unadulterated love and affection towards each other. Their squeals of delight, especially the little one, overpowers my tired body and soul. I am praying that they will remain as close when they grow up and grow old.

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Exercising my right

A few weeks ago, I braved the heat and throng of people, together with a good number of the Philippine population as we chose our next leader. This Presidential election has got to be the most controversial, and I would say, most divisive as ordinary Filipinos, not only candidates themselves, slugged it out, mostly on social media. Even friendships and relationships were severely affected and tarnished as supporters clawed at each other in the name of defending their candidates. Which is very sad.

Anyway, while I was not that happy with the outcome, I, and the rest of the Philippines, will have to live with the choice of some 15 million. I am hoping for the best although there is apprehension in the deepest recesses of my gut. Praying for my country!

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Recovering my blogging mojo

There is something seriously wrong with my blogging mojo. I really have so much to write about, things we did as a family, Maxine’s milestones, Mischa’s emotional fragility, places I visited, hotels I want to review… Well, the list goes on and on. The drafts are definitely piling up. But somehow, there is wiring trouble between my brain and my fingertips. Maybe my heart is involved here somewhere. I don’t feel like writing anything down that much.

And it is poor Maxine who’s maybe indirectly “suffering” as I don’t get to document her life as much as I did with her sister. So sorry babe.

Anyway, we are also kind of preoccupied as we are preparing for two major celebrations in the family. Mama is turning 70, and Mischa will be 7 soon. Woot woot!

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I hope I get to write more often after this. And I mean really write from the heart. Not because I have to.