When your heart is fit to burst, and you can’t do anything about it at this point, except to pray, and hope things get better soonest.
I want to write something longer. Maybe it would siphon off all the poison battling inside my head and heart. But I cannot find words strong and worthy enough. So I would just leave it here.
I hate going and staying in hospitals! It is painful, to say the least, physically, emotionally and more importantly, financially. It is an absolute nightmare especially if it’s one of the kids getting sick. But if it were me, I’d rather curl up into a ball and wait for whatever illness I have to dissipate. But this recent trip was necessary after I’ve had diarrhea and vomiting for 24 hours. Sigh! What great timing (pre-Christmas) when I had a lot to do, and things to attend to. I missed one Christmas party, didn’t enjoy one, didn’t get to give all the right gifts (I’m not even sure I gave to everyone I should have), got stressed with all the things I needed to finish before Christmas (laundry, packing, etc.) and I spent money I could have used for more important things.
Not a good way to kick off the holidays.
The highlight of my trip to Rome is probably the visit to the Vatican. As a Catholic, there are probably two ultimate places that, ideally, should be visited as part of our journey to God. Not required, but I am very fulfilled to have visited Jerusalem before, and now the seat of the Catholic Church itself. I am beyond thankful for this opportunity and having been brought closer to Jesus in my lifetime.
I and some colleagues from another agency went there for two days – first just to have a look at St. Peter’s Basilica, and second, after obtaining a pass for the papal audience, went to get blessed. The second day was particularly challenging as, despite our starting out early, we were met by throngs of people vying for coveted positions in the quadrangle. Everyone was out to get sweet spots that would guarantee a close encounter with Pope Francis when he passes by aboard his mobile.
And we were not disappointed despite me wanting to elbow everyone trying to elbow me. haha. Everything was so surreal! I can’t even describe the happiness I felt in the 3 seconds the Pope was directly in front me. I am truly one lucky girl!
Because it kinda lifted me up today. We all need that love, even if others think we don’t deserve it.
My social life outside of family has become almost non-existent. As any Gen-Xer would tell you (add being a mother to that), priorities change. Maybe personalities also change. I could definitely say that myself. Before changing nappies, juggling a budget, keeping a household in a surviving condition took over, I was a young girl once who gloried in the company of, not only close friends, but a gregarious extended social group. Now I am reduced to children’s parties, weddings, quiet dinners and once in a blue moon coffee sessions that happen after official events. I don’t know if because I have no choice, or these are the only choices I have. Long gone are my cigarette- and alcohol-toting days. Now I’m lucky to get to know my younger colleagues over a glass of coffee jelly.
Okay, I haven’t been watching anything, like forever. Well, motherhood happened and all that. But my curiosity got piqued with To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, and now I am officially cougar-ing after Peter Kavinsky. Oh how I wish to be in my 20s right now. And in another continent please.
Photo from google images
Are these feelings even normal? I’m a mother for crying out loud. I want to do a Lara Jean sometime.
Photo credit: google images
It has been weeks, and shows no sign of abating. Like the rain, it evokes loneliness and a desperate need for something to happen. I don’t even know what I want. I just know that I WANT but could not 😦
Don’t you just hate it when feelings of restlessness and frustration grips you to your core? But then you have to keep up appearances, and smile through it all.