Walking to? Or walking from?

I had this really kurot sa puso moment last Saturday as a mother. As you may know, my daughter is an only child (at the moment, and hopefully not for long). Notwithstanding my job, my husband, the house, my world totally revolves around her. Ever since I got pried open by an obstetric surgeon three years and three months ago, and a seven pounder popped out of me, almost all of my waking moments are devoted to loving and caring for this child. Every prayer, every action is all for her.

And I thought the feeling is mutual. I will forever treasure those trusting eyes and the clinging arms–proof that I am the only one for her. Yun pala, the first two years lang. Or up until they haven’t started school yet.

Brought her to school last Saturday to make up for all those classes missed during the rainy days. I love bringing her to school! We would do away with riding the car, and just enjoy the five-minute walk from the house. She especially loves bringing her umbrella (or any umbrella for that matter). She wouldn’t even try to hold my hand, she is very intent on balancing that and her bag on her back, and saying hi to things she would pass by–the cats, dogs, flowers, butterflies, grass, name it. She is just too cute for words.

But that fateful day last Saturday was just different. We decided not go in pass the gate and let her come in by herself. As soon as she got inside, that was it. Without a backward glance, she ran off in search of her peers. Nagulat na lang ako. Anyare? (What happened?). No kiss, no goodbye. She seemed excited to be with her classmates and friends that she totally forgot about us.

Huhuhu.

I realize that some steps that she will take towards charting her own path may be steps away from me and her father. I just didn’t think it would come this soon. I feel like I am in the path of a barreling train.

Where has the baby gone? I knew I was just hele-ing her to sleep. Ngayon dalaga na?

I have to brace myself that this may be the beginning of a series of heartbreaks for the next fifty years. Or until my last breath, whichever comes first.

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