Why I sometimes dream of being a SAHM

It’s taking a really long time for me to move on. I’m almost laughing at myself, I can’t believe I’m still grumbling about the loss of my helper. In my two years of marriage being a wife and mother, I must say that the biggest difficulty we have and continue to encounter is the absence of a decent nanny.

We have been shuttling back and forth between houses so that Mischa can have someone look over her. In the month’s time that former yaya has gone home to unemployment to her home province (I am not happy, really I’m not), Mischa has gone through the hands of my mom, mother in law, her ninong, her ninong’s helper, and us of course during weekends. It has not been easy considering we have drag with us luggages and various kid contraptions like sterilizer, bottles, booster seat, containers, to name a few. And those are just her stuff. Let’s not go into ours.

Then there’s the constant adjustment we all have to endure whenever she changes guardian hands as she does not take too easily with strangers although these are not strangers at all. She’s just not used to being with them. Being her mother, my antenna has been up and in fifth gear with worry.

Hay baby girl, I wish I could stay home and be with you and take care of you. I wish we didn’t have to worry about earning much. I wish I am the one who plays with you all the day and sees to it that your every need is met. Properly. You have been so wonderful what with all the things you are learning and soaking up. I wish to God that I could be there every single day so that I could be the one to teach you and guide you. Alas, I can only offer you mornings before I have to rush to work, and nights (when you are still awake by the time we get home) to lull you to sleep. I can only devote weekends to you. Even then, my hands and time are limited because I have chores. I know these are taking away my quality time with you. Don’t you worry baby, we’ll find someone soon. Hopefully we’ll be able to settle down to our old routine soon.

One thought on “Why I sometimes dream of being a SAHM

  1. Pingback: Of alphabets and numbers « a crazy mom's world

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