On the Angelo Reyes tragedy

I have two points here.

I got a bit affected with the Angelo Reyes killing-slash-suicide. To date, nobody can really tell, but most evidence points out to the latter. What can I say? That we really don’t know if he did steal or not. It’s easy to be high and mighty about judging him na nakonsensya sya because of the things he supposedly committed and the huge amounts of government funds that he supposedly partook of. He may, he may have not. Personally, I think there is some truth to it. But, but! Let us not assume that just because he is from the government that’s why he did it! It just sorta burns me up inside. Yes I know that there are absolute corrupt officials and employees within the branches of the government. But it is unfair to use that “because he is from the government” thing para isakdal na ang tao. E kung lahat ng taga-gobyerno e titingnan mo ng ganun, paano naman yung totoong mga nagtatrabaho para sa kapakanan ng bayan?

Jeez! I feel bad more about this issue than the actual suicide. lol. Last month, I “celebrated” my tenth year in government, and I could say with all integrity and dignity that I have never and will ever steal while using the excuse to “feed my family”. I have not so much as stole a single centavo from the coffers of the government save for some pens that are accidentally brought home from my working table. For me, there will always be honorable work available. We just have to learn to be content with what we earn. If we can’t do that, we might as well look for a better-paying job. That’s why it enrages me to hear comments like that, that government officials and employees are “naturally corrupt”.

Besides, people from the private sector also steal right? Why aren’t they being persecuted the way public servants are? Yeah, yeah, yeah, taxes and public funds pay for their salaries. But aren’t private companies earn by profiting from people’s money too? It just doesn’t make sense to judge people from the government that way.

On what pushed Angelo Reyes to pull the trigger straight to his heart (if he did), we really don’t know what he was thinking at that moment. It may have been borne out of desperation, or guilt, or hopelessness. We wouldn’t know if he thought of the action long and hard, or a spur of the moment thing. Is it a personality thing? Is it a sign of weakness?

I have endured depressing moments in my life. Moments where I actually felt and lived na parang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. I don’t know if I am psychotic (I hope not), but sadness and alone-ness are two of my friends. Generally, I am a happy person but I give in to bouts of depressions much like my next door neighbor or colleague. My career/job sucks, I am groping at parenthood, I do not have the perfect marriage, I have to deal with salbahe people all the time, and so on. I complain a lot and feel that people sometimes just don’t understand me or my need to be validated (there I said it). When one is in this state, sometimes it feels like one is at a dead end. But then, one gets to think–what next if you decide to take your life? Sure, your problems are whisked away. For you anyway. But what about the ones you will be leaving behind. It is such an easy way out. You wake up and then all your troubles are gone. No more neurotic people, no more financial constraints, no more of everything. But then, for me at least, I always, always think of what will happen my daughter in case I go away. It chills me to the bone. And then I stop thinking about it.

Was there nobody special enough to be the reason for Angelo Reyes’ existence?

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “On the Angelo Reyes tragedy

  1. hi! i think, it was his family that drove him to do such a thing and his love for them and it was his way to protect them or spare them. you see, we are a military family and my husband like, also prides himself in being an honest AFP officer and like Gen. Reyes, he also values his family, the AFP, and the PMA. we may never know the true reason why he did what he did; but, i think that it was his love for his family.

  2. Pingback: Philippines: Netizens react to suicide of former Army chief · Global Voices

  3. Pingback: Philippines: Netizens react to suicide of former Army chief :: Elites TV

  4. I’m so proud of you! I used to work for the Senate and halos every week, nag-uuwi kami ng mga little brown envelopes of cash. I don’t know why! Syempre, ang saya-saya ko. My husband (boyfriend ko then) said, “That money is not clean. By accepting that money, you are participating in corruption.” =(

    Because he insisted it was corruption, I had to quit after 10 months. I took a job that paid just 10K a month and grabe I really missed the little envelopes of money! But I’m glad I quit when I did!

    So I’m very proud of you–a government employee that didn’t get swallowed by the system!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s