while we were anticipating the shock that we would be experiencing as soon as we receive our electricity bill for this month owing to the various complaints of people around me and my online communities, i was nevertheless jolted when i looked at it. an increase of 100%?! what in the name of heavens did we do to deserve this? lol. granting it is summertime, and we are experiencing what could possibly be the hottest in my whole life, what with the temperatures rising to 38-39 degrees, i still feel that we did our share of trying to cut down usage of appliances. although the increase is to be expected in the summer months, this billing is really crazy. i know i’ve done ranting about this in this post but i can’t help muttering and mumbling loudly because of my displeasure. i just had to write it. i wish somebody would put some sense into meralco and all its affiliates responsible for generating/distributing electricity to the households and businesses. they’re taking advantage of the need of consumers to be comfortable. arrrggghhh!!!
my posts are few and far between lately. between my recent transfer to my old, dealing with unpleasantness at home and commuting for a total of about 4 hours to and from work each day, i’m lucky if i could take a peek into my facebook. i’m kidding on that last one. facebook is my only source of leisure, save of course from spending time with mischa. but fb is really my “me” time 🙂
so anyway, my life was turned a bit upside down last week because of my “re”-transfer to my old unit. i fought tooth and nail some 3 years ago because i was being transferred to the planning and research unit of our agency. i love what i did before. basically, i handle development projects in the philippines which are sponsored by overseas filipino organizations and individuals. i love dealing with people from all walks of life. i glory in conceptualizing and organizing each specific project. i could have been an events organizer but the ones i handle are more “meaningful” because of their relevance to the general public. it’s a demanding work but there’s also the “feel good” part afterwards when you see the thankful smiles and sincere gratefulness of beneficiaries, especially those from the countryside. (i have this impression that people from the provinces are more simple in more ways, and that the urban poor seems to not to appreciate that much the assistance being given to them because they believe it is their “right” to be taken cared of by the government, and that they can sit on their asses while waiting. this warrants a separate post). i was lucky enough to travel many, many times when i had to visit projects. likewise, i got to supervise some of my colleagues, and my leadership skills were honed to some degree, as well as my proofreading abilities. it was not a life of roses but it was bearable, and more importantly, i felt i was in the right place.
and then some people decided to ruin my life. despite my objections, i was ordered to move to some other unit i knew was not forte. yes, i know i could write. i was academically trained to do research. what is my political science background for if i couldn’t draft inputs to legislation affecting OFs, bills and whatnots? i also didn’t like the fact that i was somehow being relegated to the background. but i survived. though not the same, i was still able to put my organizing skills to good use, putting together conferences, forums and one Presidential awards. i was not happy and it didn’t help that my supervisor seems to continue harboring an almost decade long grudge against me. i never quite got the hang of her moods. sometimes i go for months at a time where i remain task-less and vacant because she didn’t want to deal with me. oh well. i never stopped hoping i could land a better job. the applications kept on going. unfortunately, i have not been successful to date. i don’t know if it became a disadvantage that i had a masters degree from the state university and was a senior officer in my mid-20s. most were not keen on hiring young outsiders.
to make my story shorter, as i mentioned, i was re-transferred. after a week, i still couldn’t get quite get the hang of it. i was given my old duties but…everything’s D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T. of course i knew it was too much to expect that things will be the same. still, i often getfeel in the last few days of want to pull my hair everytime i had to go through the files left by some five different people who decided to stamp their individual personality on how to handle the projects. the files are in disarray! they couldn’t even keep track of important statistics. they set aside my database where you could get a status of specific projects at a glance. mind you, this has 11 years worth of data since it was handed down to me by the previous project manager. i took care of this like a baby. now it looks forlorn because it was untouched. i really don’t know what happened. somewhere along the way, somebody got lazy. then somebody crazy stepped in.
i don’t know where and how to pick up the pieces.
i am seriously questioning my self, whether i am one difficult person because i keep on complaining. complaining whenever i have been put into. complaining of difficult tasks when i should be grateful i have work that helps feed my family. i sometimes feel that i am never contended. but what to do? i just want peace and quiet and the chance to be of help to others. after all, i am a public servant.
where’s my shrink? i need somebody to put sense into me.
this weekend, our little girl had a visit from mom’s old friend in college who had her two boys in tow. they were 7 and 5, and were at the height of their hyperactive selves. our little house became more boisterous than usual since, apart from mischa’s usual LOUD babbling and giggling, two little tykes running around with toy guns blazing aren’t exactly a recipe for peace and quiet. mom and tita joan tried catching up amid the shrieks and mischa’s obvious delight, which made her crack up helplessly. it was sooo much fun to watch! my babe was obviously having the time of her life (at least until now) watching the kuya ethan and kuya nigel heckling. no matter that they weren’t actually playing with her, she felt so at ease just being in the presence of happy people. i think i’m raising a happy kid, hooray!
we’re having a sort of heat wave over the past several weeks. i pity my in-laws who may be sweltering in 38 – 39 degrees C in the province. thank god for the abundance of trees there. i could only imagine them trying to fan like crazy a pre-schooler and a newborn. i wish we could send them here. we’re luckier than most, i guess, since despite the relentless beating of the sun and the humidity in the metro, we take refuge inside an airconditioned office all the day long. mischa has been stuck at home sweating her head off, which i swear produces pails of perspiration even when the aircon on high at night. what more during the day when she only has the electric fan to keep her cool.
and it doesn’t help that due to the el niño phenomenon, the electric bill is piling on like crazy! last month, we stayed away from home for eight days, and i even heaved a little sigh of relief that we get to save a little on those kilowatt hours. but no! the bill even went up. it’s really insane! wtf! what is wrong with meralco? the online communities i belong to are in uproar. most of them doubled the amount they have to pay for. granting there was an increase in the energy consumption, let’s say the aircon units they use because of this uncomfortable heat, it’s really unbelievable that some have incurred a P40,000 bill when they are used to only P15,000 – 18,000. whoa! meralco said it’s not them who’s charging extra, rather the generating companies. they are only distributors of the energy. and because of the drought and all, “generators” are unable to use hydroelectric sources (they claim are shut down at this point). they instead have to rely on gas and coal, which are more expensive. whatever. somebody needs to do something about this. the fees are ridiculous. and we were told to expect higher bills this april. i don’t know what to give up anymore. we cannot do away with using the aircon, considering mischa above anything else. we hardly ever watch tv, even on weekends. lately we prefer going out, and i have had the pleasure of catching up on my reading. major culprits are the steam sterilizer and blender (which i use for baby food and sometimes for our healthy shakes). we gave up using the rice cooker and went back to making sinaing using the good ol’ kaldero. we have also done away with the night light as mischa have been sleeping through the night for months and months already so no need for the night feedings. we just have a handy flashlight by the bedside in case we need anything. so i’m really stumped as to how we could save a bit more.
i hope this heat goes away soon. we need rain. just a little please?
i have posted quite a few to date. not that i think anybody follows my blog, but still gotta be more careful. yeah i know, it’s very cowardly of me. it might have been better not to post it at all but i just had to write, write and write! sometimes it’s the only refuge i can retreat into, aside from ranting all i want with poor hubby. it seems that i have a lot of deep seated angst that i have to get rid of. and by writing, i hope some of the poison inside maybe siphoned off as i type away all the bad thoughts running through my head. but still, i can’t afford to lay bare my guts for the world to see at the moment, hence the passwords. maybe i fear the backlash. in this time of tsismis, one cannot be too sure of your allies, and there is forever the threat of being misquoted or misunderstood. at home, i need the peace and quiet. i cannot afford to stir any trouble despite the feeling of being oppressed to some degree. hindi pa kami pwedeng magyabang. while the rebellious monster is struggling to get loose from inside my chest, i need to tame it for the meantime.
maybe i am becoming an unhappy person. i know i don’t want to. i mean, who wants to feel bad at all? don’t we all strive for the good? isn’t our eventual goal in life, balance? but there are just things you can’t shake off. things beyond your control especially if you meet them head-on for almost every single day of your life at the moment. there you have it–the source of my stress comes mainly from work and home (although the latter attacks on weekends when i have my hands full of household duties that i try to catch up one during my absence the entire work week).
needless to say, much as i would like to be just a simple, happy person, sometimes i just can’t. the unpleasantness just seems to seep into my veins despite my vigorous resistance. thus, the need to vent, even through my writing. one day, i will come back for them, and maybe unlock them for the world to see. hopefully i can look back and laugh my heart out upon reading the “perils” of my life. it would serve as a kind of barometer if i have grown up since then (or the people around me anyway). it’s funny how we always think we’re on the right side of the fence. for now, i’m just a closet blogger, hiding behind my words, revealing my thoughts to those i can say holds my heart in their hands without fear of them breaking it or being careless with it.
another long weekend just passed. (where did all the time go?). we feel so lazy going back to work monday.
on a happy note, we spent some time visiting mischa’s cousins in fairview where my sister-in-law and family live. it was great seeing them, and for mischa to be socializing with her cousins. hubby’s side of the family is bigger than mine so she has more playmates. but of the ten grandkids, only 5 are here in manila, 3 are in cagayan and 2 in the UK.
i felt a little concern when she would sometimes wrestle, kick and pull the hair of toys. i asked, what would happen if these were real kids? would she pick on them, not really aware that they were supposed to be playmates? oh man, i would be in real trouble if she starts hitting young kids because she doesn’t know how to interact properly with them. i think she needs to mingle and have definite playtime with kids her age. she’s around old people all the time. people who dote on her, and of course, knows how to be gentle and playful with her. kids and babies are an entirely different ballgame. of course, she didn’t get to play much when she met her cousins but at least she got to see and laugh with them, even if she spent the better part being carried by me or daddy. but the experience is great anyway.
one thing we learned though, it was so hard to get the kids in one frame. each had their own palabas. some were intent on watching tv, others were crying. but we did manage to get this snapshot.