waving goodbye

i had to keep check of my tears this morning as i kissed mischa goodbye this morning. i willed myself not to sniff. it didn’t help that she had just started to learn to wave goodbye in the cutest way earlier this week. she did this today, raising her arm in an almost beckoning way, while giving mommy and daddy that oh so wonderful gummy (now toothy) smile, having no inkling that we’re not spending two nights with her. i wish i took a picture on my cellphone so that i could look over it again and again. i will miss her sooooooooo damn much. sunday seems like light years away. if only i could put a rope round it, and pull with all my might. i thought only kids suffer separation anxiety but it seems i’ve been hit bad. i don’t want to go! really, i wanted to bawl like a baby. i didn’t feel like an adult. i want those loving, chubby arms around mommy. i want to carry her for the rest of our lives.

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